The Totem.

Part I

I stepped outside fumbling with the keys, the downpour had been incessant for the last three days. My rain coat was already half-wet by the time I locked my low key, dimly lit and poorly ventilated single room apartment. But then I had no other options- a man has needs and none more implicit as housing, food and an occupation.

I had been posted to this village for almost seven months now- Kishangarh on the banks of the holy Ganges. This monsoon she was in a ravenous mood: threatening to engulf and emancipate whatever and whomsoever came in her path. I was just a provisional officer in a bank run by the State, and had no other option other than obliging my duty. My daily routine comprised of an eight hour desk job, which I hated with every ounce of my energy. Entertainment was subject to availability of electricity and it was a major issue on most occasions. Yet I had this one unflinching, ever so consistent addition to this drab, monotonous schedule: it was this the totem.

I noticed her for the first time a month back. That I was already deprived of human companionship (read as the desired companionship in this setting), she was more than just a pleasant surprise. She walked across the opposite road, balancing a mid-sized handbag, pushing her specs back up every now and then. I kept my gaze on her for as long as I could, and she was too busy with her balancing act. And then she disappeared in the next alley. And so began the routine. I would see her for five days in the week- walk across the same street with the same handful items. I would keep my eyes on her, making sure that I didn't appear too obvious. For I was sure that I didn't look like a C grade Bollywood villain, I had no desire to be the subject of vernaculars of this orthodox community which had been very kind to me so far.    

She was my totem. Forget knowing what she did or where she belonged to, I didn't even know her name! But she was there everyday, without fail. I soon developed a liking to this routine, trotting around at a snail's pace sometimes so that I didn't miss seeing her for a single day. Yet it did happen once in a while that she won't be around and as incredulous as it may sound, and those particular days were hell. Either my manager would blame me for something which I had no connection with, or my food went bad, or there would be no power supply for the entire day. Even water would taste bitter! To be honest, even I think that it is kind of lame but then I had already started enjoying this game. It was my sole source of entertainment in the wild countryside. In fact I had started linking every good and bad thing in and around with this totem, with my totem.

Maybe it's really disrespectful to refer to one as inanimate thing as a totem. But then this is why we are blessed with the power of thought and imagination. I am sure I can find out all about her easily, if I spend one evening in the dust smitten records of my bank. But then I am happy to continue with this game for now. Sometimes I amuse myself thinking about what she must be like actually: for starters, what's her name, how she is like as a person, why does she have the exactly same routine each day and many more. I might be sounding crazy, but no I have been doing it on purpose for the past one month.

But it's lashing down hard today and my hopes of seeing the totem are slim. And already that I am late recounting this story for the umpteenth time in my mind. I must quicken my strides now.

Part II

It's raining cats and dogs this season. Honestly I have not seen such torrential rains ever in the past in all the places that I have lived. I never wanted to live this typical village life once again but my father was transferred and we had no option other than relocating. Not only does that it not have the amenities of the city life which I was just starting to grow accustomed to but I have no school in the nearby locality. Luckily I was able to find a tutor under whom I receive private tuition daily and enrolled in a private school. Still Father would have to accompany me for my exams to this school which is 38 km from Kishangarh. So much for education this government claims.

This daily drab is the perfect epitome of dullness. I have no friends, as there are no girls of my age around. I am sure that if I hang around a boy in this orthodox village then it will wreak havoc in this small community. And why will my parents support something like that? All they want is me to get through my schooling and marry me to a complete stranger. I want to join a college and study literature, and so I am trying my best to keep a level head and pass the exams with better marks. I am still not sure whether it would tip the scales in my favour but then at least I will have an argument to present.

Of all things that I expected to lift my spirits from this soporific, mundane routine was this game that I invented for myself. Well it does not involve me alone to be precise, it involves someone else too. And that somebody does not even know about it. He is there each time I step on the Badi Gali each morning. These days he is working like my totem.

I noticed him sometime back in his crisp, shirt wiping the sweat off his brow and taking quick steps while avoiding stepping on cattle filth. He looked like a polite educated fellow, with a quizzical look on his face. But after a couple of days I noticed that somehow he was always present each time I stepped in the street. He didn’t stalk me at all, didn’t stare at me, he hardly seemed to notice me making my way through all the scattered vendors. Yet he was ever present and soon I developed a liking to this stupid game too! No contact at all, verbal or non-verbal. No acknowledgement of each other’s presence but something that made me aware of the fact that life is more than just my classes and helping Amma in the kitchen. It’s about trying to find a reason and a cause to indulge and a reason to look forward to another day.

Sometimes people are so predictable, and his dressing patterns rarely went wrong by my calculation, always white-blue-white-blue-white shirts he adorned. All this was a part of the game. It didn't solve any purpose but then I was enjoying it at the same time. Later that week I overheard Father talking about the new bank clerk who solved his issues sooner than he had expected. And so he almost spoiled my game with this but I wanted to keep this totem alive so I ran outside! Luckily I didn’t hear about it again from him or anybody else. So the game is still on, I am going to see him again today (I hope so) and the totem survives for another day.

The new bank babu must have left on time. I must rush now if I want to catch him walking by past me. It’s pouring down like anything and I am only slowing myself with recounting this story for the umpteenth time. I must quicken my strides now.